There are many bad habits that can hinder your goals — but the "most self-destructive" habit is so common, you may not realize just how damaging it is.
"[As] human beings, we can't help but to compare ourselves to others, and comparison is the deadliest thing we can do to ourselves because we will always come up short," Simon Sinek, a bestselling author and leadership expert, said in a 2021 YouTube video. "All it does is exaggerate all of our insecurities."
Many people judge their accomplishments, self-worth and social status based on how they stack up against others. Known as social comparison theory, this can negatively affect self-esteem, and even cause mental health challenges like anxiety and depression.
"It's okay to enjoy other people's success, but you let them live their lives and you live your life," Sinek said. "Oh, and by the way, they're curating their social media. That's not really their life. So you're making decisions… based on their curated life."
Simply enjoying other's success may be easier said than done. Eighty-eight percent of women and 65% of men compare themselves to images they see in the media, according to a 2020 study from the Florida House Experience, a mental health and addiction treatment facility.
Gen Zers, specifically, are feeling the pressure more than others, a 2023 report from the Cybersmile Foundation, an anti-cyberbullying nonprofit, found.
"Cybersmile's comparison culture 2023 survey highlights the profound impact social media can have on how young people aged 16-24 view themselves, with around 9 out of 10 responding that they see themselves negatively and feel dissatisfied with their lives, 3 in 4 wanting to change aspects of their bodies, and a very worrying 1 in 7 having thoughts about ending their lives as a result of comparing themselves with others on social media platforms," Barbara Mariposa, a Cybersmile wellness & equity advisor, said in the report.
Sinek has seen this scenario first-hand. "I know somebody who was out of work, really depressed, and yet she goes and does all these things so she has the appearance of this amazing, successful life," he said.
To avoid falling into this "circle of depression," Sinek has a few tips to reframe your thinking:
- Look to your peers as a source of inspiration, not as competition.
- Take pride in the things you're good at instead of dwelling on areas that need improvement.
- Lean on your inner circle for support and reassurance.
"Your friends are there [for you] to admire. Your friends are there [for you] to say, 'God, I'm so happy for them. What are they doing that I can learn from?," Sinek advised.
"It's healthy to grow our own strengths rather than be intimidated by the strengths of others."
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